Good day everyone.
Having my own sweet time typing this post is a good sign of my life as I finally have a quality time to shout out 1% of what is mingling in my mind lately.
There are so many things I want to say but I keep on making it due over time - my recent trip to Jakarta-Bandung, my piece of advice regarding jealousy, my hardship through the end of my fellowship and my skincare reviews. OMG, do I eat my time?
Back to the topic, yeay! It ends soon! My fellowship ends soon! I am a happy girl, a happy teacher and finally I am a happy fellow.
2 more weeks to go and I need to settle my works at school - from teacher to the secretary of discipline board. I need to settle my works ASAP and after that I can finally say cau cin cau. I know that I might get the same school, but please give me a chance to say a good goodbye before I start pushing a new button next year, Can't wait to reset everything and I wanna be a gorgeous teacher evaaaa. HAHA.
I am not sad at all for leaving the fellowship. I know I am paralysed without my comrades, but to ditch myself from a fellow mask, I just can't wait for it. I wanna let go this horrible professional mask as soon as possible. I cannot believe that I wore this for these two years, how jerks can a person be? Doing what you love in the first place but everything flips over. Your beautiful imagination and expectation burnt into ashes. You develop your anger more than you spread love. You give but when you want something in return, you did not get it. You lost your safe space, you don't believe in openness and being vulnerable because you are afraid that your words are not acceptable to some people. You are sick of being professional and and the same time you neglect your feelings and forget your pain.You talk about bad things and when you articulate your sweet and sarcastic feedback, someone cut your wings and force you to move on. Everyone has their own pace of moving on and if they can't, just let them be. Don't blame them and ask why don't they just forgive. Do you even say sorry of feel sorry for that? I bet you are not. That is why you will never understand and stop being like one.
I do ask to myself, is this what you wish and expect? Is this what you sign up for? Is this what is being promised to you during day one?
No. But I chose it and I have made my choice. And you should be thankful because I sacrifice myself to choose this over everything.
Because if I could foresee it, I wish I could turn back time. My precious time.
